I’m not fun anymore

I’ve always claimed that I’m not funny. Honestly, usually just saying, ‘I’m not funny’ gets a laugh. But recently I’ve noticed that I’m not having fun, I’m not fun. I know how to have fun. The things you do to have fun, hang out with friends, doing cartwheels, going for a swim, dancing in the rain etc. But honestly, there’s just not that much joy coming from them.

I wrote on Instagram how last year was tough, but honestly I think I can remember the fun being sucked out of me slowly over the last two, maybe even four years.

Things get serious when you have a baby and spontaneity was reduced, and we started building a house, and all the excuses until about two years ago when I got a medical wake up and being in pain all the time isn’t particularly fun. Then 18 months ago we started our job at Wollangarra and then we were the bosses at a place I had dreamed of working since I was 16. It felt as though we had so much responsibility (we did really) to the idea and story around Wollangarra, and had 5 amazing staff to care for and help through their tenure. And through all of that I carried my world on my shoulders and forgot how to be fun.

I did some research this morning, I googled “I’m not having fun anymore.” There was a lot of articles about depression and negative thoughts. But I don’t know that it’s depression, I can work my way out of the negative thoughts, I just feel… boring and un-fun.

One of the tips I found was to start small, I can do that, I really can. Like I said, I know what I’m suppose to do to have fun, it’s just not bringing me joy. I’m going through the motions easy enough, cooking meals, making the bed etc. Am I wrong to want more than that?

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Another tip, look at the wonderful world around you. Yeah, well I live in a pretty bloody beautiful place and I get that. I see that. It’s definitely not making me any more fun.

More tips, spending time with loved ones, which I do as Jay and I work together. Most of my nearest and dearest at about a five hour drive away, so that’s tricky but I see them when I can and I’m hoping to do more of that this year. And, find a hobby or passion project, I have. This is the exact reason I started selling doTERRA essential oils. Because all those years ago I could feel the fun disappearing and I needed to do something that I loved.

What I’m saying, is that I can go through the motions, I can do all things that are ‘supposed’ to be fun, and I want to be fun and it’s just not happening.

So I’m starting with self care. Each day I’m taking supplements, brushing my teeth twice a day, meditating and I’m going to get back into yoga (I mean, I’d better I just bought myself a beautiful but pricy yoga mat) and writing at least three things I’m grateful for each day. But I also want to do small day to day things that shake the fun back into me. I’d love to hear your suggestions.

I’m going to try re-learning to cartwheel, spontaneous dance parties, and just generally appreciating the small things. But even writing them just doesn’t feel fun.

 

 

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